Monday, September 15, 2014

The Head and the Heart


December 3, 2012

I stand waiting in a human traffic jam. Twenty-four Indonesians, seven Americans, one door. As we slowly file into the Indonesian ‘fast-food’ restaurant, I again feel so out of place. I tower over the huddle of Indonesians, and in the midst of their artfully colored kerudungs and ebony locks my rust-shaded curls spring in every direction (my hair color was recovering from a more than mild identity crisis in which I had decided to ‘discover myself’ in a box of L’Oreal café-colored hair dye). We finally make it to the table, and I nestle myself into a hard red plastic chair. Almost immediately, two rows of fifty small traditional dishes are delivered to the table. In front of me, various types of what can only be described as soft orange lumps wait expectantly. My friend Ocha dives right in, carving off half of one of the orange lumps and scooping it into her mouth with a satisfied mmmm. She swallows and with brown eyes wide and expectant, says: “You need to try this!”. I mean, it was an orange lump not a chocolate-banana milkshake, but hey, her enthusiasm couldn’t be for nothing, right? I scoop up the other half of the dish and toss it in my mouth. I bite down hard and my tooth falls on something chewy, wet and (I swear) a little wiggly. I immediately reach for my water and wash the whole bite down without another taste. I eye Ocha incredulously, wordlessly pleading for enlightenment.

She shrugs and answers: “It’s the brain of a cow.”

~

I turn off the lights, snuggling deeper into my comforter as I open my book and promptly stuff five pieces of Dove dark chocolate into my mouth. I savor the taste as I turn the page. God, will Remy and Dexter just get back together already? The past thirty pages of my novel have been romance-less, and I have slowly stopped trying to avoid my daydreams in which I give Remy a good talking to for letting the love of her life go. I mean he sings, HE IS ADORABLY CLUMSY and god he always…. My phone rings, interrupting my perfectly outlined discourse of the reasons-why-Remy-should-love-Dexter. I roll over to see that my host mom is calling me. 10:02 pm. I answer, and she rambles quickly in Spanish. I hear something about dinner and give my standard, ¡por supuesto mamá!

Fuck. I really should not have smuggled those last eight pieces of bread. I slide into my Birkenstocks and softly consider putting a bra on, but in classic Fat Amy fashion, I eventually decide hmm, better not. I climb the five floors down to my family’s restaurant. We eat every meal in the restaurant; in fact, our apartment only hosts a half-full liter of Coke, a couple rolls of bread and a few pieces of dog feces. I sit at the family table as I wait for my host mom to join me. The restaurant is cluttered with a few dozen tables, each dressed in orange and green flourishes with white plastic seats. A Brazilian telenovela plays on the TV. My host sister (a fabulous, beautiful 23 year old) is adamant that Brazilian soaps are far superior to their more popular Mexican counterparts. To me, they all seem a little over-dramatic. I mean how many sneaky mistresses and evil twins could there be in the world and the music really is so overdone and … On the screen, the main character shoots and kills a man. AND NOW HIS GIRLFRIEND HAS THE GUN. I take back everything I’ve said. This show is life.

My host mother eventually interrupts my newfound state of hypnosis by placing a plate of food in front of me. So far, the food has been great. Fried chicken, various forms of potatoes, this one perfectly seasoned steak and of course, more chicken. I look down at my plate and see one skewer of a chicken and pepper kabob. Yum. The other skewer hosts five pieces of dark meat, and I can only assume it’s carne de vaca. I start with the chicken kabob, savoring every bite of pepper (vegetables are few and far between here). As I chew, I glance at my host mom. She’s really a great woman: sassy, spunky and fiercely independent. She points at my other skewer and tells me the meat is of the heart of the cow.

And suddenly I’m back in that ‘fast food’ restaurant. I almost believe Ocha is sitting in front of me, brown eyes and orange lumps glistening.

I take a deep breath. Trying new foods abroad has always been difficult for me. I have continually fallen prey to the seduction of travel- a simple wanderlust that has tugged me across the globe. But in this moment, the tug from deep in my stomach did not feel so seductive. The heart is a delicacy in Bolivia and a specialty of my family’s restaurant. I really wish I wasn’t so into labels, but right now, those titles of praise were the only things pushing me to pull the skewer to my mouth. I take a piece and bite down.

A burst of flavor floods my mouth. The spices are sweet with an innate saltiness; the two taste compounds swirl into something only slightly short of divine. I chase the piece with a grilled potato, and the flavors merrily engage in a foreplay riquísimo. (Okay here, I do admit that perhaps I have been reading too many romance novels). The texture is dense and chewy- the only trigger to remind me of what I am actually eating. I hesitate a little as the growing, pounding image of a beating heart competes with the pleasure of my taste buds. A crossroads.

Late last night, I took a taxi home. Taxis, unlike trufis, do not have a fixed route. The streets are often littered with numerous legitimate radio taxis (company names splattered on their flanks) and other, rusty white cars with neon stickers claiming “TAXI”. One can only guess which taxi leads to home and which leads to a closed dark alleyway; so thus, hailing a taxi becomes a life-sized match of Russian roulette. Anyways, in my (hopefully) legitimate taxi ride home last night, my taxi driver began to ask questions about my life and my time in Cochabamba. Another crossroads. My practical memory recalls years of safety trainings, and I tighten up, too aware that this man could drive me into darkness. Yet, another piece of me- that simple wanderlust- wants to fall into this friendly conversación... So here’s the question:
Do I follow what I ‘know’ or what I never thought I could know?
Do I give a clipped answer (wrapping further into myself and the binds of insecurity) or do I meet culture with the beautiful informality of a giggling head nod? Do I eat the heart?

~

I start the conversation: Estoy estudiando a la Universidad de San Simon, ¿y tú?


I take another bite of the heart and finish the skewer whole.

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